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This page is purely for your entertainment and enjoyment...and in some cases your edification. These stories are from what we believe is public domain and we are not responsible for them or their content, other than reposting or allowing the submission.
- Submitted to an online newspaper/newsblog in florida, posted by Brenda:
Are alligators in your backyard?
Not the real ones, no (but plenty of University of Florida Gator fans). We have seen one gator along a riverbank, a mile or so from our house. Some people on canals feed alligators, and so they will see them often (itís illegal to feed them, by the way). Even so, itís difficult for a gator to hop a seawall. When you hear about them, they are typically in outlying swampy areas that slope inland gradually.
A northern visitor who had never seen a pool cage (the screen enclosure around the pool and lanai), wondered if the pool cage was for keeping out alligators. Hmmm. We said yes and poured her another margarita.
- Official Weather Report
It was autumn, and the Indians on the remote reservation asked their new Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was a new Indian Chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets, and when he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the weather was going to be. Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he replied to his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect wood to be prepared. But also being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked,
"Is the coming winter going to be cold?"
"It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold indeed," the meteorologist at the weather service responded.
So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more wood in order to be prepared. A week later he called the National Weather Service again.
"Is it going to be a very cold winter?"
"Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter."
The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of wood they could find. Two weeks later he called the National Weather Service again.
"Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?"
"Absolutely," the man replied. "It's going to be one of the coldest winters ever."
"How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked.
The weatherman replied, "The Indians are collecting wood like crazy!"
- Gatorland, review by Jason:
Self-proclaimed as the "Alligator Capital of the World" TM, I have no reason to doubt their claim. They have very many alligators and crocodiles from around the world, including jungle crocs from Asia, Africa's Nile River, Cuba, South America and of course American crocs and gators. There are also shows that feature gator wrestling, jumping gators pursuing their lunch, a Snakes of Florida show with poisonous diamondback rattlesnakes, water-mocassins, and deadly coral snakes. There's a small-scale train there, and theres a mini-water park for the kids called "Lilly's Pad" where you may want them to wear a bathing suit. There's also a bird sanctuary, petting zoo, eco-tour, "jungle excursion". They say that the entire experience lasts approximately half of a day. If you are curious what alligators taste like, they offer Gator Tail Nuggets and Gator Ribs (subject to change without notice. They have more traditional fast-food too!)
- Central Florida Humour
* Rumor has it that the new Miami baseball team will be called "Humidity" so that fans in Florida will be able to say, "It's not the Heat that's so bad, it's the Humidity."
* The U.S. has only three hurricane warning centers - Coral Gables, FL, Guam, and Honolulu, HI. All three have faced Category 4 hurricanes in the past month. Which only goes to show: If you build it, they will come!
* I really don't understand why the federal government was so slow to send aid to the areas hit by hurricanes. After all, both Florida and Louisiana have oil.
- Florida Statistics, by the US Census Bureau
Just click on the following link to see the US Census Bureau Report on Florida and compare it against National statistics:
Florida Statistics by US Census Bureau
- Information On A Storm-Ready Pool Cage That Is Being Installed
This screened, aluminum structure is rated to withstand a wind load of 130 miles per hour. A construction blueprint shows how beams and support members will be attached. All pieces are custom cut by the builder. Structural gutters on the house receive the beams in reinforcing channels. The strength of the structure comes from the shapes that distribute the weight load to load-bearing columns drilled into the concrete deck. Cross-bracing on the panels is done with aluminum gusset plates and screws. The doors are checked to be sure they hang right before the screen is inserted. Keeping the screen square to the door frame will allow screening or rescreening to go smoothly and look good.
- Stories from Wide Lawns
* Story 1: RWL2 called to notify me that there was an alligator in her yard and that she knows someone has to be feeding it because it is getting bigger. This may sound like a very real concern, but we are in West Basura afterall and there are numerous alligators in the ponds and lakes in the area and no one ever feeds them. There is a law that alligators can not be messed with until they are over 6 feet long, at which time someone comes and hauls them out to the Everglades. You could say that this is a sort of Alligator Nursery. RWL2 expressed grave concern that the Alligator was going into and coming out of the water. I said this is what they do, they are amphibious. She was shocked to hear this. I told her about the 6 feet rule and she swore it was at least 10 feet. I know this is not true because we have people who patrol the lakes every day looking for this very type of thing and there are definitely no 10 foot lake monsters out there. In fact, our lakes could not support such a leviathan creature anyway. I asked the lake man and he said he knows the alligator and its only a few months old and is about 2 feet long and completely harmless.
* Story 2: RWL3 telephoned to report a snake in her yard. This too could be a real concern. She asked if I could personally come to remove it. Snake removal is not in my job description here. I inquired as to the size of the snake to see if it was a real problem. The snake was described as light green and the length and width of a shoelace. It seems to me that this is your ordinary grass snake. RWL3 said she was afraid it would bite her and was poisonous. I said no, this would not happen and that grass snakes were not venomous. She then said that she was shocked to see a snake in the community at all and did not know snakes were native to Florida. She did not know that snakes were native to Florida. We arent Ireland here. This is the tropics and a heavily wooded, swampy area. OF COURSE THERE ARE SNAKES!!!!! (You may recall the Python incident, apparently this lady missed that event, thank God). She went on to quiz me on my snake knowledge and ask what other kinds of snakes she might encounter and was just shocked beyond belief that there would be a grass snake in a country club community. The nerve of this snake. Didnt it see the gates? How did it ever manage to get through security. I comforted her by telling her that the grass snake will eat bugs like mosquitos and flies."Mosquitoes and flies???" she exclaimed, "We have those in here too??!!"
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